PC Warrior in the '90s

When I entered the world of work, it was the loud clanking of manual typewriters and ringing of dial me telephones filling the office. Then came electronic typewriters. Suddenly the buzz of computers were in the air. Some panicked, Some were excited and others feared of losing their job. I was curious, excited and wanting very much to know how this machine could make life easier. So we've had that being-stuck in-our-own-comfort-zone-as-comfortable all along.

As soon as pc's came in they were given only for employees in the executive grade. I would say its a kind of class differentiation to suit the appalling local mentality. After some time the employees who were given pc's to use, seemed to walk a few feet above ground level, the noble privileged class of pc users. 

Their snootiness caved into me. I challenged myself that I would get down to learning everything about a pc. Since it was certain that I was never going to be given a pc where I was then working, I looked for jobs that gave a pc for the position I applied for.

The first time I used a pc was in a small office. The packaging of a brand new pc was opened before me and set up on my desk. I was excited as a father seeing the arrival of his first born. A brand spanking pc (clumsy looking in today's standards) sat on my desk. I was determined to learn everything about this thing occupying half of the table. This was '90s where technology began gradually crawling into our lives.

I vowed to learn everything about the technicalities, using and caring for it by myself. Every lunch break I used 5 minutes to have a quick snack and during the rest of the 55 minutes I used, to learn what this machine has to offer for someone who has been using a manual typewriter. 

That was my first encounter with self study I guess, It was super fun, sometimes I goofed up and learnt how to fix it myself. Other times I was as jubilant as Archimedes in discovering features that I would see only in good quality publications. I typed out brief newspaper articles and applied the MS office features to get a  hang of how it all fits nicely to produce faster and better quality work. I tinkered with different fonts, templates and layouts and put my creative nerves on a cardio workout. I was elated to discover the lightening speed responses a worksheet would generate when I gave in the formula. I was over the moon to learn how simple data could quickly be converted into a chart or a graph. I was thrilled to understand the filing system and how super easy it was label, create files and stack them neatly.

I went a step further in my attempts to learn. I clocked in early, had a quick breakfast and tinkled around the pc before I began work. Later I went browsing for a book in the local store that would simply not be a manual to instruct, but would let me know the logic of using a pc. I figured this would let me think beyond and produce even better work. 

By the time I left the job in that small office, I was a pc warrior eager and anxious to use all my skills in the next role I was offered. I The world outside was spilling in many new technological inventions and I was even curious to learn and understand the developments. I wanted to take myself from a warrior to a pilot. 

The office which first gave me a chance to learn using a pc closed shop within a few months. But I was glad that the challenge I gave myself was DONE. I had acquired a skill most wanted and could confidently pin it down in my CV.

I'd like to tell all those who snorted and miffed at manual typewriters that Dickens, Austin,  Hemingway, Bronte, Twain and many other greatest literary genius masters produced the greatest masterpieces with simple machines. 

To think also, that it's the same QWERTY layout that has come to stay on pc, laptop, tab and smart phone keyboards.

Darwin's theory of evolution is one that can never be pushed aside eh ?

Roast Chicken and my Dad - an inseparable pair :)

 Reading my dad's journal, I have been amused and curious to find 'Roast Chicken' mentioned a countless times. His journal had covered the first few years of the '70s. On every special day that called for a celebration, Roast Chicken was the guest of honour it seemed. This meant no birthday, no small celebration nor a once in a while meal out was complete without his favourite dish. 

He writes of a famous restaurant in the city from where it seemed he's had the most servings of his beloved dish. Since it was obvious that this was his favourite dining house, from which he seemed to have a serving of his prized dish, I had to check it out myself. 

I chose to visit the restaurant on his birthday through sheer curiosity. I may have passed this famous restaurant countless times, without giving much thought to the bond it had created with my dad. But i had never dined here. The place had lost some of its 70's charm compared to the 70's although it was still a decent place to have a sit down meal. 

They only had their prized biriyani with 2 types of chicken offered. One was curry and the other roasted. I had to see how it all looked after assembling the portions. I ordered a complete portion which came in the form of an upturned bowl full of rice, a boiled egg sitting right on top and a generous slab of roast chicken placed on the side. The accompaniments included spicy chicken curry gravy and mint sambol. 

The portion was way too large for me. I served a tablespoon of the savoury rice on half plate and sampled it. It was good considering today's ridiculously prized food standards and their ability to still serve such a dish. I got the rest of the food - rice, chicken, egg and all of the spicy gravy packed as a take away and thought I would let a deserving person relish the complete biriyani. Maybe I will find someone on the way ?

I stepped out holding the packed biriyani carefully rolling my eyes to spot that deserving someone. It should not be too difficult to figure out who should get it, in these times I thought to myself. Sure enough, there was a homeless woman with 2 kids housed in a run down overhead bridge. I was glad, there are kids in this short term happy picture as well. I went over to them and slowly placed the pack on her mat and wished for them to enjoy the meal together. 

I know having a fancy meal for just one day and then go hungry the next day is not the answer to solve hunger. But making someone's day special with stuff they usually cannot afford to have is adding a little magic in someone's life. At least this is the way I see it. 

Dad I can't seem to find your reviews for roast chicken in your journal. I am curious to know which is your best choice, the one mom makes for you (best bet) or the one you got at the restaurant ?

Enjoy your birthday up in your world Dad

Until I see you in the world beyond !

How much more should we give up?

 A lot has happened since I last wrote a post on how we get by in our bankrupt homeland. I am wading through a maze of immense disorderliness hanging in the air, to pen down a striking aspect in this whole crisis. That is, how the average person is giving up some things, to be able to manage better with less. This is how the average person is adjusting to a lifestyle designed purely on ‘cost factor’.

Decision making has never been this bizarre. The choice to buy, refill and use happens after weighing on the gains and losses. When the average citizen do their shopping rounds for food, household utilities, healthcare supplies and other, scanning the shelves, checking and comparing prices have become the norm.  If one has been using branded upmarket products, this is the time to ditch them and settle for equally good locally made products. This is especially apt for personal care products. That’s one way of giving up on simple pleasures.

Yes, I am one of the average citizen too, prioritizing only on vital stuff. When it comes to bare essentials such as food and healthcare supplies, I look at the long term benefit in terms of health /value for cost and settle for the best options. There have been many lifestyle adjustments I have made along the way to be able to continue living sensibly in these truly crazy times. But it is increasingly becoming nerve wrecking, why? It’s easier to give up on the ‘wants’ but with ‘needs’ it’s a different game. Because prices of ‘needs’ keep shooting upwards and every week it is a case of re-budgeting, re-planning and re-managing. It is constantly a case of scrutinizing when it comes to managing within means.

At the local stores and supermarkets I see some, in deep thought staring at a product. To me their thoughts read as “should I get this or go for something priced lower?” If the product is put back on the shelf and the person totally walks away from that section, it probably should mean “I can be done with this, this is no longer essential”.

Food remains the biggest cost component that eats into an average income. There is no cutting corners on the key ingredient that fuels our survival, even though some are down to one meal a day. Food is something that cannot be compromised over cost, because of nutritional and health reasons. Doing so would mean we should be prepared to bust tons of time and money under professional healthcare.  Making good food choices and filling up our engines stand grounded as smart options, even though it comes at a heavy price.

So how much are people shaving off their food intake?

Well, let me start with the simplest of things. If families have been having a cup of tea with milk, the adults would chose to have plain tea and let the milk be for the kids. This means the pack of milk powder could be used for a longer time. Single office employees housed in rented dwellings in urban areas usually have their cup of tea when they get to work.

If the average meal comprised of 2 vegetable curries, 1 local green, with a choice of fish, meat or eggs, the composition now would be 1 vegetable curry, 1 green for adults and the kids would get the serving of fish, meat or eggs, if one of these were still affordable. For some it is 1 vegetable curry with rice. The local media reports of many pathetic tales of how some survive on jackfruit, or rice and local green and some even only boiled murunga leaves.

If food is being bought from budget level cafes and kiosks many are buying less and opting to settle only for the spicy gravy minus the meat or fish. Some buy the cheapest choice of accompaniment such as onion or chillie sambol etc., Even dhal curry is becoming unaffordable for some.

For some, breakfast is either a cup of plain tea or a herbal porridge which is taken mid-way between typical breakfast and lunch timings. This is done to space out the hunger pangs and make the system adopt to 2 meals. If you are the observant type, in some workplaces, some will chose to go later for meals or not go at all. Watch out also for the types who come crashing in the morning, just to have a cup of tea.

Dinner for many have turned out to be nothing except going to bed hungry, For some it’s a cup of plain tea.  For those who still could afford the portions may have grown smaller. It is a similar trend with lunch and breakfast.

Socializing and dining with family and friends are increasingly being considered luxury for many. Although some still do it within a tight budget opting for cheaper choices. I guess although many changes have been made in crisis era lifestyles, not everything can be given up so easily. People also need to take the time to let off steam and chuckle at the absurdity and make that a coping mechanism.

Medication although prescribed to be taken in a certain way, (eg. 2 tablets a day etc.,) many are taking half of that quantity, taking less or given up totally because of the high cost. It’s very likely that such people will not have their medical issues sorted because the remedy is not falling in the right proportions.

Every news alert on a price increase of an essential item, drives me to do mental mathematics. My brain becomes a ticking workshop of what that increase would mean, how much more needs to be snipped off, what better adjustments could be made.

If getting on a tuk-tuk after grocery shopping has been the usual practice, today many are choosing to take the bus or walking for cost related reasons. Some may proudly proclaim that it’s healthier to walk. I would say a resounding yes to that but only if we are doing that on our fitness routines. It isn’t so for the ageing citizens riddled with aches, young mothers with kids walking a couple of kilometres laden with mega grocery bags in 32 degree humid weather.  So this means the average citizen has also given up on basic comfort and time, because a tuk-tuk ride is now too costly.

My observations and impressions are of the majority. They are either the daily wage earners, or those positioned in the middle class social ladder. These are the types who are struggling to keep their heads above rising crisis riddled tidal waves. Flipping back to the pre-pandemic era, I never saw as many as entrepreneurs as there are now. Every single house down the lane I walk on, has displayed some essential food items or cooked food for sale. There is an obvious fact evident in here. That is extra income is most welcome. This is merely to keep up with the rising cost of goods and trim the ‘give up’ syndrome.

I used to read and watch quite a lot about economic recessions and bankruptcy happening in other countries. I always tried to fathom what failure truly meant. I looked at the TV screen that showed people carrying wads of currency notes just to buy a load of bread in Zimbabwe. I looked in disbelief at the TV screen that splattered images of unending fuel queues in Venezuela. I saw blown up frustration, anger and dejection in all the eyes of citizens protesting in a few countries where similar trends were forming.

I tried to understand how a person’s emergency fund would work in this degree of uncertainty. I could never fully grasp the depth of it, until it happened in the homeland I live in. The images that appeared on the TV screens of winding fuel queues, rising prices, the same over blown frustration, anger and dejection were reflected in countless protesting citizens.

The lessons this crisis has taught us are priceless. We continue to learn the real cost of failure, ignorance and mismanagement by both leaders and citizens. Each day has become a lesson on managing more with less along with holding or giving up.

a handful of rice

This island has been my home for most of my life.

Never have I seen anyone standing on the sidewalk of a busy street asking for a handful of rice. The only chants have always come from street side vendors to buy their goods, The pleas that came from beggars were always for money, never being specific for food.

But here was a living being weeping clutching on to the only few notes and a few coins in one palm, while the other hand is moving to wipe the flowing tears from a pair of very tired eyes.

An expression of utter misery, frustration at the inability to no longer be able to fend for his family was written across his face, He struggled to find the strength to express the fact that he cannot afford to buy a handful of rice and other food to take home to his kids. They called him to tell him they are very hungry because they have not had any food since the previous night.

I chose not to capture this individual from my camera lens through respect and also saw no purpose in marketing poverty or crisis ridden desperation,  when we too hte hopeless 20 million + civillians have all been struck with the same misery in different shades and shapes.

He was a very old frail looking man. His luminous coloured garb let me know that he was a street sweeper. As I passed him on the street, the only words through sobs were “madam please help me to buy some rice for my kids”. I went a few steps ahead but walked back wanting to take a look at the face from which the voice came from.

It is a rare sight to see a man weep continuously. I studied this living being closely. A  sun dried  stick thin old man with calloused limbs peeping out of his garb stood before me.

I am never the one to be carried away with these kind of frill and fancy tales, because we islanders know better how any crisis can market poverty with great rainbow tales. The golden rule is to always dig deeper for any red flags.

Digging deeper I found that this guy lived in Moronthuduwa (45.5 km from Colombo) and he worked as a street sweeper on the 120 route. He commutes by train daily as he cannot afford the bus fare of LKR 200 each way. Every day after he is done with work, he buys some food and gets home to his family. His pay wasn’t the best but it kept all of them going until the greatest economic disaster struck our beloved island.

The rise in essentials experienced in the ongoing crisis has makes it impossible for him to buy even the bare necessities to keep his family fed.  He acknowledges that it is extremely tough for everyone but said “I stand by the street hoping I will be able to collect some money to at least be able to buy a handful of rice, we could have it with a sliced onion”.

Is it ignorance, callous, short sighted full blown stupidity that dragged the “granary of the east” to this total collapse?

How does one fix this ?  where and when does it begin?

The A B C's apt for a crisis

No more it's gonna be  A for Apple cause apples are pricey with the recent import ban and increased taxes,  nor B for Bananas as recently the elephants in the wild have had a feast due to over supply and no consumers, C for carrots will not be seen anytime soon as our Credit rating has dipped to ground zero.

Have been hearing these words ever since the vibrations of a failing economy kept pounding us, could this be the book of A, B, C's we would need to have ?

A    Ammendment, Aragalaya, Antharay

B    Bus fare, Bread

C    Currency, Crisis, Collapse, Credit rating

D    Diesel, Dollars, Debt

E    Electricity, Economy, Eggs

F    Fertilizer, Food scarcity

G   Gas

H   Hartal, Healthcare

I    Imports, Inflation

J    Judiciary

K   Kerosene oil, Kaputa

L    Limit, Loans

M   Milk Powder, Maina, Mismanagement

N   No Deal Gama

O   Organic, Overspending

P    Petrol,  Power cuts, Printing, Protest

Q   Queue

R   Rice, Restructure, Reform, Riot

S   Sugar, Shortages, System, Sangamey

T   Tax, Tear gas, Trade Union, Turmeric

U   Uprising,

V   Violent

W  Wheat flour, Water cannons

X   Xenacious, X factor

Y   Youth

Z    Zero

Life in a bankrupt country

 Yes we finally collapsed, sank and now struggling to rise ! this is not going to be easy peasy. I mean wading through this tangled mess. every aspect of our lives have taken a heavy toll. We are emotionally drained just trying to figure things out and keep adopting to changing styles. Although being the resilient islanders we usually are, in this new battle, survival has become the sixer. This time its a "thoosra" and it has knocked us off in style. But we go on and that's us, as we have always done whenever a "googly" is sent our way.

No more can we focus on dreams, goals and aim for better days ahead,  We tossed all of it in the bin. We are busy racking our head, trying to figure out how we can top our motor cycles, tuks and cars with fuel, Going to the fuel station to top up fuel is a trip by itself, we would need to pack a snack, bottle of water and think of ways to kill a good 3-5  hours in a queue that simply grows in length. Sometimes move ahead after waiting all those hours, only to be told there is no more. Other times end up spending the entire night and leave the next day sometimes lucky and other times not. If then, we end up repeating the same cycle of going to the fuel station all over again.

Its the same with cooking gas, the queues keep extending in length. The blue cylinder and the brown islanders looks a long blur of blue and brown from a distant. We never know when the supplies will come by but we wait hoping that it will turn up any moment. 

With all of these we also go to work and get back home. No more can we sit back and unwind because we would have to make sure we have enough supplies. If we do not, after work, the queue for fuel waits for our arrival. Others go to a bar to chill and unwind after work. We go to the fuel queue to hope, wait and get our supplies. Supply of fuel that will take us to work, or maybe get us work and keep our families fed.

By now we are also quite used to living in the dark because of the daily 3-5 hour power cuts. Just like us, the power turbines do not have enough fuel to work, This means power cannot be generated and we can have power for only some hours of the day. During this time, we have to remember to do tasks and chores that require power. 

Our trips to do our grocery shopping is truly a nightmare. Prices of essential staples keep rising like flood waters every week. Its tough to budget and buy. At times goods like milk powder, some medication and other food items are not available or in short supply. At times some shelves remain bare making us wonder where did all the goods disappear ? :)

After juggling all this drama when we commute back home from work, there is always a protest or demonstration by college students which usually ends up in a massive clash between the police and the students after a teargas and water explosion. Roads are closed, barricaded and us wanting to get back home are stranded not being able to board a bus on the usual commuting roads. We then end up looking for other options to commute even if it means walking to the other end to reach the rail station or to the next town to simply be able to hop on a bus and head home. Such days we end up reaching home later than usual and such days are becoming very common. 

this is just the icing on the cake !!! 

Can you imagine what the cake tastes like ?

Kanji aka Kandha

 A handful of rice cooked in water, with a only a pinch of salt added, was the only food in Mullivaikkal  back in 2009. The civilians were trapped on a narrow strip of land during the last stages of the war. They had no access to supplies of essentials and whatever that was available in scarce quantities were supposed to be alarmingly high. A survivor’s tale accounts how a coconut had cost LKR 2500. That along with all other essentials were luxury then.

The only food that could be consumed for survival was this simple porridge locally referred to as kanji.

Since it originated from the village of Mullivaikkal the village name was prefixed to kanji. Today Mullivaikkal Kanji has become a symbol of surviving a bloodied era.

A reason to reflect on surviving the brutality endured by thousands who paid the price of egocentric heroism.Nothing gained, but losses in abundance.

Fast forward 13 years later, that ghastly finale is now, for some, a showpiece and decoration of foolish pomp and pageantry.

Today there is no war fought with weapons,                                                            But we fight a different war,                                                                                        A battle to simply be able to carry on a normal life

Instead of sounds of high artillery and armoury                                                          All we hear are cries for justice and equality.                                                      Instead of sights of blood and gunshots

All we see are raised arms and wide open mouths in protest                                  Of a failed system, unequal and corrupt governance                                              All we see are waving flags, musical pleas, slogans and marches.

We live challenging the same haunting shadows of scarcity of food and alarmingly rising prices of essentials.

The country’s list of luxuries include fuel (all types), cooking gas along with staples such as rice, milk powder, sugar, vegetables, fruits,

We have endured countless tragedies,                                                             Battled an assortment of ignorant mishaps                                                             To come this far                                                                                                     and still battling against the same reasons

We are so adept in figuring out                                                                         What’s next and the next ball of mess rolling our way

After seeing the countless posts about the humble Mullaivaikkal Kanji                    Is it not obvious that the simple kanji is again likely to flow our way ?

in-eternal-dependency

 are we truly independent or in-eternal-dependence?

It’s been 74 years, we broke free from colonial rule. The time frame could be considered as as the average lifespan of an adult in this country.

But for 74 years, we have survived by depending on others, expecting our basic needs to be free and fall on our lap. Because free is easy and requires no sweat or energy. All we need to do is to whine, groan and moan, things will somehow come our way in the name of downtrodden, helpless, low income, marginalized. Countless words that glorify poverty but not one showcasing the hidden laziness, not wanting to try. In reality all these words label us as dependents . 

this is why we are easily deceived by wide grinning politicians offering us free lunch packs, bottles of arrack, assurance of jobs, allowances and business deals that trap us to false ideologies.

we tend to love anything free, it could be a tee shirt, cap, free ride to the city, a bottle of old arrack and the thought of an allowance coming our way without having to shed sweat, energy and earn it. We have never really learnt to experience the joy of receiving something through our own efforts, energy and sweat.  We have always tilted towards free.

We do not mind giving a resounding applause to these nit wits who promise us just about everything under the sun. We love to cheer, whistle, sing and dance in support of all those promised freebies. There is no harm as we are going to be blessed with so many freebies.  When we wake up from this illusion, our butts hurt from the thunderous thud after it hits the ground.

But do we, for a moment think, as to how this freebie system could run without sweating to generate an income to keep the free wells flowing ?

What is Plan B if the well runs dry ? 

We only know to how to live by borrowing, if we run short of money, we borrow more to settle the earlier debt and continue surviving with more debt.  We know the money lender, the banks, the leasing companies, pawn broker better than what we really need, We are so versed with pawning, leasing, loan schemes that we do not bother to understand nor figure out how thrifty, saving and investing works. 

The banks along with finance, leasing companies capitalize on our stupidity and promote debt and more schemes to trap us into becoming eternal debtors. With each new scheme that comes out, we evolve into slaves hungry to put our fingers into these schemes and keep up with the rest. We host extravagant weddings, buy the most fancy cars (should be better looking than our colleague or neighbour) and shop with credit - money that we really do not have. We work endlessly spitting out a part of our pay-cheque as instalments to keep up with the competition and make all these schemes look workable and become successful voices for all the commercials, while becoming more dependent and poorer. 

So what lies for us ? how do we step out of this meaningless cycle ?

We need to stop being stupid and ask for schemes that work in our favour.

how about sweating, doing decent work for a living and learning to live within our means? how about cutting off ties with  free this and that which fall on our lap? Most importantly break away from being strangled unmercifully by money lenders, leasing companies and pawn brokers.

Why should we be, eternally in debt ?

Why do we always have to be desperate ?

Why are we dependent on schemes that only drag us to utter misery?

a letter I never wished I would write this way

“Jan you are just like me, I used to hate my cousins and I was so jealous of them, they were all better off than me”

Dear AJ

I had the deepest respect and gratitude for you for many reasons until the above words that came out of your mouth one day when you visited us.  Those words pierced and sliced me so deeply. I choose to be quiet but the piercing only got deeper and the wound larger. After that, these exact words were repeated twice. To have repeatedly made such a statement whenever you were in contact with me, signifies one thing. In your mind, I am seen as a person who never had good feelings nor wishes for anything better for your daughters or cousins as a whole?

All this time, I have chosen to not talk about it.

But as you are no more, I shall do now.

Yes I have not traveled the world as you have, nor acquired academic heights to be perceived as successful. I also did not succeed in moving out of this crazy country and stuck with slogging (as you call it)  in a regular job. I choose not to depend on any financial help but somehow survive in the best way I can.

But let me tell you this, If you thought that every person who couldn’t achieve the benchmarks that define modern world’s success are jealous and have hatred for those who have, just like how you felt, that is a such an insanely spiteful assumption.

With your repeated insulting comparisons, the respect I had for you plummeted to ground zero. Since then you no longer appeared in my radar and I no more consider anyone in my family as my own. There is no reversing from this deep seated ridiculing.

That was the saw-part and here is the see-part in this see-saw family connection

Deep Gratitude for which I will always have for you and your family

When we hit the lowest ebb in our lives, in terms of financial security unable to fend for ourselves, my mother had to only ask you if it was possible to keep me in your house and the doors to your home flung open. I was a part of your family for 8 years. There were many comforts I enjoyed which I never got and I will always be grateful for all that.

You have been someone we always looked up to and I personally have had the deepest admiration because of the way you took care of your family, making sure there was always enough and everything looked into and keep it going.

I did not visit you in your last stay at the hospital as it was very likely that if I did, I would have to hear the very same insulting comparison all over again as i did in the last hospital visit.  I thought its best to avoid stepping into mud when I know it will only soil myself.

I hope you have a good life in the other world

May we never cross each other’s path in the journey of sansaara.

Thank You for helping us when we were down.

Rest in Peace