a handful of rice

This island has been my home for most of my life.

Never have I seen anyone standing on the sidewalk of a busy street asking for a handful of rice. The only chants have always come from street side vendors to buy their goods, The pleas that came from beggars were always for money, never being specific for food.

But here was a living being weeping clutching on to the only few notes and a few coins in one palm, while the other hand is moving to wipe the flowing tears from a pair of very tired eyes.

An expression of utter misery, frustration at the inability to no longer be able to fend for his family was written across his face, He struggled to find the strength to express the fact that he cannot afford to buy a handful of rice and other food to take home to his kids. They called him to tell him they are very hungry because they have not had any food since the previous night.

I chose not to capture this individual from my camera lens through respect and also saw no purpose in marketing poverty or crisis ridden desperation,  when we too hte hopeless 20 million + civillians have all been struck with the same misery in different shades and shapes.

He was a very old frail looking man. His luminous coloured garb let me know that he was a street sweeper. As I passed him on the street, the only words through sobs were “madam please help me to buy some rice for my kids”. I went a few steps ahead but walked back wanting to take a look at the face from which the voice came from.

It is a rare sight to see a man weep continuously. I studied this living being closely. A  sun dried  stick thin old man with calloused limbs peeping out of his garb stood before me.

I am never the one to be carried away with these kind of frill and fancy tales, because we islanders know better how any crisis can market poverty with great rainbow tales. The golden rule is to always dig deeper for any red flags.

Digging deeper I found that this guy lived in Moronthuduwa (45.5 km from Colombo) and he worked as a street sweeper on the 120 route. He commutes by train daily as he cannot afford the bus fare of LKR 200 each way. Every day after he is done with work, he buys some food and gets home to his family. His pay wasn’t the best but it kept all of them going until the greatest economic disaster struck our beloved island.

The rise in essentials experienced in the ongoing crisis has makes it impossible for him to buy even the bare necessities to keep his family fed.  He acknowledges that it is extremely tough for everyone but said “I stand by the street hoping I will be able to collect some money to at least be able to buy a handful of rice, we could have it with a sliced onion”.

Is it ignorance, callous, short sighted full blown stupidity that dragged the “granary of the east” to this total collapse?

How does one fix this ?  where and when does it begin?

The A B C's apt for a crisis

No more it's gonna be  A for Apple cause apples are pricey with the recent import ban and increased taxes,  nor B for Bananas as recently the elephants in the wild have had a feast due to over supply and no consumers, C for carrots will not be seen anytime soon as our Credit rating has dipped to ground zero.

Have been hearing these words ever since the vibrations of a failing economy kept pounding us, could this be the book of A, B, C's we would need to have ?

A    Ammendment, Aragalaya, Antharay

B    Bus fare, Bread

C    Currency, Crisis, Collapse, Credit rating

D    Diesel, Dollars, Debt

E    Electricity, Economy, Eggs

F    Fertilizer, Food scarcity

G   Gas

H   Hartal, Healthcare

I    Imports, Inflation

J    Judiciary

K   Kerosene oil, Kaputa

L    Limit, Loans

M   Milk Powder, Maina, Mismanagement

N   No Deal Gama

O   Organic, Overspending

P    Petrol,  Power cuts, Printing, Protest

Q   Queue

R   Rice, Restructure, Reform, Riot

S   Sugar, Shortages, System, Sangamey

T   Tax, Tear gas, Trade Union, Turmeric

U   Uprising,

V   Violent

W  Wheat flour, Water cannons

X   Xenacious, X factor

Y   Youth

Z    Zero

Life in a bankrupt country

 Yes we finally collapsed, sank and now struggling to rise ! this is not going to be easy peasy. I mean wading through this tangled mess. every aspect of our lives have taken a heavy toll. We are emotionally drained just trying to figure things out and keep adopting to changing styles. Although being the resilient islanders we usually are, in this new battle, survival has become the sixer. This time its a "thoosra" and it has knocked us off in style. But we go on and that's us, as we have always done whenever a "googly" is sent our way.

No more can we focus on dreams, goals and aim for better days ahead,  We tossed all of it in the bin. We are busy racking our head, trying to figure out how we can top our motor cycles, tuks and cars with fuel, Going to the fuel station to top up fuel is a trip by itself, we would need to pack a snack, bottle of water and think of ways to kill a good 3-5  hours in a queue that simply grows in length. Sometimes move ahead after waiting all those hours, only to be told there is no more. Other times end up spending the entire night and leave the next day sometimes lucky and other times not. If then, we end up repeating the same cycle of going to the fuel station all over again.

Its the same with cooking gas, the queues keep extending in length. The blue cylinder and the brown islanders looks a long blur of blue and brown from a distant. We never know when the supplies will come by but we wait hoping that it will turn up any moment. 

With all of these we also go to work and get back home. No more can we sit back and unwind because we would have to make sure we have enough supplies. If we do not, after work, the queue for fuel waits for our arrival. Others go to a bar to chill and unwind after work. We go to the fuel queue to hope, wait and get our supplies. Supply of fuel that will take us to work, or maybe get us work and keep our families fed.

By now we are also quite used to living in the dark because of the daily 3-5 hour power cuts. Just like us, the power turbines do not have enough fuel to work, This means power cannot be generated and we can have power for only some hours of the day. During this time, we have to remember to do tasks and chores that require power. 

Our trips to do our grocery shopping is truly a nightmare. Prices of essential staples keep rising like flood waters every week. Its tough to budget and buy. At times goods like milk powder, some medication and other food items are not available or in short supply. At times some shelves remain bare making us wonder where did all the goods disappear ? :)

After juggling all this drama when we commute back home from work, there is always a protest or demonstration by college students which usually ends up in a massive clash between the police and the students after a teargas and water explosion. Roads are closed, barricaded and us wanting to get back home are stranded not being able to board a bus on the usual commuting roads. We then end up looking for other options to commute even if it means walking to the other end to reach the rail station or to the next town to simply be able to hop on a bus and head home. Such days we end up reaching home later than usual and such days are becoming very common. 

this is just the icing on the cake !!! 

Can you imagine what the cake tastes like ?

Kanji aka Kandha

 A handful of rice cooked in water, with a only a pinch of salt added, was the only food in Mullivaikkal  back in 2009. The civilians were trapped on a narrow strip of land during the last stages of the war. They had no access to supplies of essentials and whatever that was available in scarce quantities were supposed to be alarmingly high. A survivor’s tale accounts how a coconut had cost LKR 2500. That along with all other essentials were luxury then.

The only food that could be consumed for survival was this simple porridge locally referred to as kanji.

Since it originated from the village of Mullivaikkal the village name was prefixed to kanji. Today Mullivaikkal Kanji has become a symbol of surviving a bloodied era.

A reason to reflect on surviving the brutality endured by thousands who paid the price of egocentric heroism.Nothing gained, but losses in abundance.

Fast forward 13 years later, that ghastly finale is now, for some, a showpiece and decoration of foolish pomp and pageantry.

Today there is no war fought with weapons,                                                            But we fight a different war,                                                                                        A battle to simply be able to carry on a normal life

Instead of sounds of high artillery and armoury                                                          All we hear are cries for justice and equality.                                                      Instead of sights of blood and gunshots

All we see are raised arms and wide open mouths in protest                                  Of a failed system, unequal and corrupt governance                                              All we see are waving flags, musical pleas, slogans and marches.

We live challenging the same haunting shadows of scarcity of food and alarmingly rising prices of essentials.

The country’s list of luxuries include fuel (all types), cooking gas along with staples such as rice, milk powder, sugar, vegetables, fruits,

We have endured countless tragedies,                                                             Battled an assortment of ignorant mishaps                                                             To come this far                                                                                                     and still battling against the same reasons

We are so adept in figuring out                                                                         What’s next and the next ball of mess rolling our way

After seeing the countless posts about the humble Mullaivaikkal Kanji                    Is it not obvious that the simple kanji is again likely to flow our way ?

in-eternal-dependency

 are we truly independent or in-eternal-dependence?

It’s been 74 years, we broke free from colonial rule. The time frame could be considered as as the average lifespan of an adult in this country.

But for 74 years, we have survived by depending on others, expecting our basic needs to be free and fall on our lap. Because free is easy and requires no sweat or energy. All we need to do is to whine, groan and moan, things will somehow come our way in the name of downtrodden, helpless, low income, marginalized. Countless words that glorify poverty but not one showcasing the hidden laziness, not wanting to try. In reality all these words label us as dependents . 

this is why we are easily deceived by wide grinning politicians offering us free lunch packs, bottles of arrack, assurance of jobs, allowances and business deals that trap us to false ideologies.

we tend to love anything free, it could be a tee shirt, cap, free ride to the city, a bottle of old arrack and the thought of an allowance coming our way without having to shed sweat, energy and earn it. We have never really learnt to experience the joy of receiving something through our own efforts, energy and sweat.  We have always tilted towards free.

We do not mind giving a resounding applause to these nit wits who promise us just about everything under the sun. We love to cheer, whistle, sing and dance in support of all those promised freebies. There is no harm as we are going to be blessed with so many freebies.  When we wake up from this illusion, our butts hurt from the thunderous thud after it hits the ground.

But do we, for a moment think, as to how this freebie system could run without sweating to generate an income to keep the free wells flowing ?

What is Plan B if the well runs dry ? 

We only know to how to live by borrowing, if we run short of money, we borrow more to settle the earlier debt and continue surviving with more debt.  We know the money lender, the banks, the leasing companies, pawn broker better than what we really need, We are so versed with pawning, leasing, loan schemes that we do not bother to understand nor figure out how thrifty, saving and investing works. 

The banks along with finance, leasing companies capitalize on our stupidity and promote debt and more schemes to trap us into becoming eternal debtors. With each new scheme that comes out, we evolve into slaves hungry to put our fingers into these schemes and keep up with the rest. We host extravagant weddings, buy the most fancy cars (should be better looking than our colleague or neighbour) and shop with credit - money that we really do not have. We work endlessly spitting out a part of our pay-cheque as instalments to keep up with the competition and make all these schemes look workable and become successful voices for all the commercials, while becoming more dependent and poorer. 

So what lies for us ? how do we step out of this meaningless cycle ?

We need to stop being stupid and ask for schemes that work in our favour.

how about sweating, doing decent work for a living and learning to live within our means? how about cutting off ties with  free this and that which fall on our lap? Most importantly break away from being strangled unmercifully by money lenders, leasing companies and pawn brokers.

Why should we be, eternally in debt ?

Why do we always have to be desperate ?

Why are we dependent on schemes that only drag us to utter misery?

a letter I never wished I would write this way

“Jan you are just like me, I used to hate my cousins and I was so jealous of them, they were all better off than me”

Dear AJ

I had the deepest respect and gratitude for you for many reasons until the above words that came out of your mouth one day when you visited us.  Those words pierced and sliced me so deeply. I choose to be quiet but the piercing only got deeper and the wound larger. After that, these exact words were repeated twice. To have repeatedly made such a statement whenever you were in contact with me, signifies one thing. In your mind, I am seen as a person who never had good feelings nor wishes for anything better for your daughters or cousins as a whole?

All this time, I have chosen to not talk about it.

But as you are no more, I shall do now.

Yes I have not traveled the world as you have, nor acquired academic heights to be perceived as successful. I also did not succeed in moving out of this crazy country and stuck with slogging (as you call it)  in a regular job. I choose not to depend on any financial help but somehow survive in the best way I can.

But let me tell you this, If you thought that every person who couldn’t achieve the benchmarks that define modern world’s success are jealous and have hatred for those who have, just like how you felt, that is a such an insanely spiteful assumption.

With your repeated insulting comparisons, the respect I had for you plummeted to ground zero. Since then you no longer appeared in my radar and I no more consider anyone in my family as my own. There is no reversing from this deep seated ridiculing.

That was the saw-part and here is the see-part in this see-saw family connection

Deep Gratitude for which I will always have for you and your family

When we hit the lowest ebb in our lives, in terms of financial security unable to fend for ourselves, my mother had to only ask you if it was possible to keep me in your house and the doors to your home flung open. I was a part of your family for 8 years. There were many comforts I enjoyed which I never got and I will always be grateful for all that.

You have been someone we always looked up to and I personally have had the deepest admiration because of the way you took care of your family, making sure there was always enough and everything looked into and keep it going.

I did not visit you in your last stay at the hospital as it was very likely that if I did, I would have to hear the very same insulting comparison all over again as i did in the last hospital visit.  I thought its best to avoid stepping into mud when I know it will only soil myself.

I hope you have a good life in the other world

May we never cross each other’s path in the journey of sansaara.

Thank You for helping us when we were down.

Rest in Peace

Washing hands was once the golden rule and now is platinum

Growing up as a kid at home, the message relayed repeatedly by mom was “Wash your hands well with soap”. In school, the nuns and teachers continued to relay this same message. It was the same with ‘look away and cough/sneeze in to your elbow’. It was also the same with using one’s own cups and water bottles and never to use another person’s cup or bottle or pick food from another kid’s lunchbox. 

All these were considered simple acts of etiquette. I learnt that these acts were considered good manners and health habits to carry with me for life.

Well etiquette and all that relaying does fly out, when as kids we are with our buddies in school. We turn wild, crazy wanting to savour the snacks/drinks in each other’s lunch boxes and cups. We had to be one with our group. Trying to be invisible from supervising nuns on disciplinary checks was to be considered later, if we were found out to be doing just what they did not want us to be doing.

On my Girl Guide hikes and camps, I kid you not, the teacher in charges of us relayed these same messages, making us to stop and wash our hands, whenever there was a flowing stream on a hike route. At campfire night, we were supposed to take shower get into clean garb and show up.  It’s not that we didn’t like being clean but rather we get into a world of our own whenever our buddies are there and then rules seem to slip away.

Today sitting socially distanced going on with my daily routine, my head is filled with these notes from the past. The voices of those nuns, teachers, and adults in family all giving that stoned piercing look that simply spelt “clean up” whenever I looked like I needed to be I had to appear’clean’ n their eyes. 

Today we have the gamut of media constantly reminding us to clean up.  In this age of fear and uncertainty each time I wash hands, sanitize or clean up, it’s not the electronic voices I hear, but it’s the those voices I heard as a kid at home, school and girl guide trips. COVID-19 or (let me re-christen it to) C-19 has for sure brought back many memories often linking them with something in the past.  

When these pandemic influenced health practices were first introduced as “must do’s” it  was such a strange thing to hear the simple act of washing hands to be repeatedly broadcast and encouraged over the media. There was even a timing that hands should be washed to the duration of singing ‘happy birthday’. There was even visual images published of the proper way of washing hands and clean up techniques. 

I remember reading these literature hoping to find something new that I never knew about the art of cleaning up. Surprisingly there was nothing new all of it was a rewind and replay from the old school lesson board.

Never did I think that all of these simple acts I followed under supervising eyes, would turn out to be a modern religious ritual, to the extent of being considered a violation of the law, if not properly followed.  

This pandemic is one of a kind, the lessons it has taught me are diverse and intense. To think a microscopic object invisible to the human eye succeeded in taking control of our lives in every way. It is making us do life’s simple things to save ourselves. 

I think in a way if we consider this C-19 menace positively it would build our mental strength to the optimum. How we do this depends if we consider this as another challenge or a blessing in disguise.

boarding the digital bus in the new normal world

 Let’s say one of your parents have decided to learn how to use a mobile phone or a tab. Maybe you have decided that its time they learnt some basic tech skills (I am guessing you had your moments). 

Since most things work in line with mobile technology why should these people be left out ? It would help if they knew how to access a text message , whatapp from a mobile phone, reply, send a message on whatsapp, even  snap a photo and send on whatapp. 

When I refer to parent or parents, I have in mind the generation of senior citizens that had zero access to technology or grew up during an era where hand written letters and taking a telephone call meant walking to the post office.

They are probably in the aged range of >65.  They had gotten so used to this laid back style of doing very simple tasks that they think this is the best way. Such mindsets cannot work around the fact that within three fourths of that time spent doing such simple things, a lot more could be accomplished plus also given time to chill with a nice cup of Ginger Tea and Biscuits.

First it helps to understand how this generation of people did simple things and how they made things work for themselves minus technology influenced methods. 

You need to remember this generation is not familiar with terms such as enter, delete, send, forward etc., In this example I have taken. People from this era virtually have no clue to understand how technology influenced systems are easy and hassle free, how it takes just a couple of minutes to sort utility bill payments online without wasting time in queues or spending a lot of time doing stuff which technology can zip it up in just a few minutes. 

The catch is how would you influence them to want to learn how to use these devices in an emergency or simply help them get closer to the new normal world the we have all  stepped into. 

I know many such people are reluctant simply because they fear these devices, feel its too complicated or just think that the old style is the best and the right way. Some of them have already fallen off the bandwagon. 

But the world is increasingly adopting technology driven systems for everyday life. These people often rely on people from generations after them to things done. But it would help if they were able to do some basic things on their own.

You need to understand what a person from this era and social background understands within their own ‘technology free world’ and then step off your own technology filled world to teach them in getting familiar to use these devices. You need to empty out the style of how you guide your friends to do some things on the pc, mobile phone when they ask you for help. 

Your student is one that does not know anything about texting, reading, forwarding or sending. Where do you begin and how will you take them through in adopting to technology based systems ? 

Its going to be an interesting, humorous and painstaking ride (there is no denial to the levels of tolerance) but these are passengers who cannot be left behind, they need to hop on the digital bus but are we thinking of innovative ways to get these passengers on board ?

 

I miss being with you

at times you are totally relaxed with only a humming noise while coming up to the shore, as if to say I am around,

other times playfully crashing on the shore as if to say here I come,

some days letting the mighty sun paint taped layers of blues and greens on your gigantic canvas of salt water,

On rainy days putting on a drab grey dress and looking all so forlorn,

I have walked along the coast lines of the North, East, South and West of this island,

But have always stopped to take a moment to see you 

and absorb your splendour even for a short time,

I could never get enough of seeing you,

today I can only whizz past you

but every passing second I throw my senses out of the window to catch a glimpse of you,

with the same fondness I will always have for you ❤

You make me marvel at your might and character,

Bold, Energetic and Powerful

Beautiful to the core ❤

Tea & all its glory

my thoughts are sporadic, 

they waiver, 

concentration swaying,

I battle to keep my mind from drifting,

amidst sporadic patterns of being in the present 

and somewhere beyond 

I feel the need for a recharge 

to bring out the best from my creative cells 

and marry them off with crisp copy

Yes !!!  I need a revival 

bring my thoughts back, 

be more focused, 

and accomplish all the assignments 

that stare back at me from my desk

I scoop out the type of tea for the moment and mood,

and let it lie on the bottom of my tea pot.

fill up the kettle with water, power on and let it boil,

afterwards….. the sound of hissing water exhaling fierce fumes

hits the leaves of camellia sinensis 

twirling the tea leaves into a frenzy

the quiet leaves awaken 

and come waltzing merrily in the sizzling water.

minutes later, the leaves detaches with its glorious flavour 

and glues itself to the fiery water that readily takes it all 

flavour, colour and the rest of the combo

while sending out a heavenly aroma out of the spout

that does a brisk walk through my nostrils

jolting the signal towers of my brain 

sending out beepers to my senses

to light up, awaken and savour the glorious brew 

after a well brewed tea travels through me, fills my senses

stamps my soul with nothing short of serenity, bliss 

and a feeling of heaven on earth

my thoughts return, this time with better clarity, 

I am more focused, on, ready and powered 

to string my creative thoughts on those assignments.

Here’s to the brew that cheers, inspires and synchronizes thoughts and actions !

Journey of my avatars

as a toddler, I trial my walking skills

trotting on  pebbles, brisk as I glide

confidently I hop over bigger rocks

I am christened as  Stream.

 my walk graduates to a run,

I go over rocks whizz in full force in open spaces

I feel like there’s no stopping me

until a bigger and widening mass appears before me

I am now a teenager restless to venture beyond experiment 

minus the limits or barriers

I have turned a river.

I keep racing, ending up in an estuary,

the air turns pungent and ground brackish,

If I chose to cease my journey here,

I would be named lagoon

A part of me breaks away and takes a different turn,

I am present in both,

and in here I max-slide a hill

Letting out the loudest glee as I cascade down with the rest

As a spray of my whole being circulates in the air

My name now is waterfall

But, another part of me choose to keep racing

I arrive to what seem like a noisier galaxy

I feel like I have conquered the universe,

as I stare at the wider mass,

trying to fathom where does it end,

I am now ocean,

I dance like a ballerina

Land on the still foliage

lying until the creatures come by

moisten the flora,

give them the morning wake up call

My name is dew drops

 

I fall in a drizzle, to refresh and nourish a thirsty earth

frogs dance on lotus leaves welcoming me with a croaking melody

earth welcomes me with 

all its creatures relieved at the sudden revival

I am raindrops.

Dark swollen clouds spit me out to earth

I crash down with force, with all my might

snarling, swirling, thrashing in extreme rage

none are spared,

I wash them away from  their habitats,

homeless beings, now hopeless

I am no more a lazy droplet, but rainstorm

I toss and churn, surf high

Sieve and detoxify the ocean bed, 

make healthier breeding nurseries for marine life

I feel energetic, powerful as I am

pulled and pushed by the mighty trio-sun, moon and earth

I am high tide waves.

I sit around being the cooling shield for the planet

Hardened, lying on mountains, lakes and anywhere that suits me,

accompanied by creatures who make their habitat wherever I am

White, Glistening under a weak ray of sunlight, but bold and hard

I am Glacier.

Crystalised I float in flakes, powder and dust,

Gracing the once green, brown landscape turning it white,

Turning some spots into  play areas, transforming into toys

Created, played, cleaned and shoveled by beings

My name is Snow

At first I lie still

but with the rising heat,

I spew, hiss and throw steam out of a whistling spout

At boiling point, I sail through a spout to complete the perfect brew

Boiled is prefixed to my name

with each changing form, my garb is different,

colourless at times, rebellious or still when it matters,

I am quiet, swift, gentle or electrifying,

my life cycle and journey is

endless, ceaseless and priceless

Water is my family name

 We now run as a tortoise and no more a hare

Until March 2021, we always wanted to outdo each other, do better, so we aimed higher and sweated out to reach even higher. We all wanted to get to the summit of everything we do. Not once did we appreciate and value all the time, space that was there to fit in to pursue a new hobby, learn something new, connect with another culture and look at anything beyond that would help us grow better. Nor did we stop for a moment to be grateful to nature who kept running with us, providing her service without any protest, but we had no gratitude nor value.

We were fierce to compete with each other, running, stumbling, falling, rising and then running even harder. All of us wanted to be the hare but never the tortoise.

Until a microscopic being decided to tear down the gears of our un ending race. Before we knew what happened, everything from doing our daily errands, going to school, college or work simply took hours, days and weeks to either get it done or we just had to wait till everything around us was fine to make it happen. Strangely gradually but rapidly the race slowed down and at times halted. We all became tortoises.

In a way I take this pandemic breakthrough as a time to unlearn, relearn and learn many new skills, interests and read more of things that can shape those intentions into reality. All this I do, while I keep a tab in staying safe from the dangers of an invisible viral being that may get me anytime. With all the negativity that’s bountifully flowing around, I focus more on adopting to a new normal world and do not panic over this viral being pouncing on me.

I began by becoming more mindful, what I listen to, read and watch. about the food I put inside myself, how I work out, After a while, it all made sense, Being mindful about simple things does take a lot of your thoughts into a different direction, it helps you to turn your mind towards many things, which you otherwise thought were lame or just wasn’t meant for you. It’s amazing how this connects al the cords in your fuse box up there in your head, to keep the flow of electricity lighting up your system.

Within this dull frame of social distancing there is also hidden world of goodness which we do not realize or just do not wish to open up to, because our minds are so locked up, in what we are used to having and doing mindlessly.

Although I have to admit that some pleasures in the old normal world such as travel  being outdoors, the ocean, parks and the buzz of downtown all gnaw into me, I tell my mind that this is the world which is now as good as a black and white television given to us. We either take it and try to add some tubes to its monitor and turn it into colour  or stick with the monochrome view.

Actually it’s all about staying mindful and the choices we make. I admit it’s no easy game but this is now the new race we must run and we must keep running, this time slower but steadier in real tortoise pace but with a sharp mind of a hare.

Let’s support those who are struggling to run this new race.

 

 

 

Chosing between needs, likes and wants

By now the only jargon we hear are associated with the dreaded pandemic that's raging on, I am not even going to spell out the words in here. On our second year, living our weird lifestyles, wondering what hit us, overthrown by something that cannot be seen. Probably it remains microscopic to further prove that all such things are a bomb waiting to explode and teach humanity the lessons it deserves to learn. I can bring in the mosquito into this example but the only thing being is a mosquito being visible, with what happens after a bite and the epidemic variants that single bite brings being invisible.

Delta seems to be cloning itself and phishing its way through most of humanity's immune system,  Humanity is helpless choking and virtually begging for dear life. 

Until now, no living being has realized that nature has dropped a gigantic rock on all of humanity, as if to say "You get no more chances I am going to take my place and you will need to act as I want you to".

and here we are caged, restricted, distanced and trying to remain sane.

My focus in this game of survival has always been slanted more on needs than likes and wants, although at times I admit I have given into my cravings for likes and wants. But in this pandemic era, more than ever before, I now measure what is more needed than a need, 

I know most of us have changed our entire thinking into switching to carry on merely with basic needs.  My head periodically buzzes with visuals of all the times I caught bare basic lives in the villages I once used to visit for work a couple of years ago, To think life has always been this way for these people unlike us urban mice is as if a gentle nudge to say live minus the clutter.

Its amusing to now hear many reflecting on how life was more simple in the days gone by "should we have continued the same way, we would never have to put up with this pandemic drama". It is true in a way but could that be possible to evolve as humanity has been designed to advance ? 

Yes humanity has been designed to advance in harmony with nature. But somewhere along the way, an overblown ego and arrogance of humanity chose to let go of nature's solid grip and go on its own way, probably wanting to prove "we can do it better" or merely wanting to prove "nothing is higher than us".

 it was a destructive path it took by trying to duplicate nature in all aspects of the human life only to end up failing miserably to the extent that it is destroying its own kind, as its seen with all the adulterated food, cloning, abusing, modifying for gain beyond needs.  Nothing is permanent and so was this endless race to reign by abusing nature.

Nature revolted against this barbaric behaviour of humanity.

We have now arrived at a dead end where we have been pushed against the wall, with what seemed like zero solutions that exist to solve this pandemic crisis. No amount of heads brainstorming can come up with a solution to halt this invisible creature in destroying humanity.

We dug our own grave and now fight to find answers.

Medical Science has reached its pinnacle of advancement, it can embed hearts, livers, tissue and patch broken bones, give renewed hope to those who cannot have off spring,  It can give a second chance to humanity who has seen death knocking on their door.All of which is good as it pleases humanity giving them an extended contract to occupy this planet,

Humanity gloats over all its advances made and the countless ways that science and technology has elevated lifestyles and made everything so easy, even opening doors (no more using arms but pressing a button).

yet there is no remedy to cure cancer, HIV, Ebola and now C-19.  

yet there is no scientific method to make the sun turn up every single day and throw her rays, splash her colour palette on the planet and give life to all its creatures, bring her best in crayoning across the sky with a 7 colour miracle which we term as rainbow bringing a stroke of hope, nor make her disappear in the evening in one place and show up in another place.

yet there is no scientific method to make the moon show up and do her gymnastics with ocean waves and create tides, detox the marine bed and sustain marine life. shine her way through a dark landscape giving life to creatures who survive in the night.

yet there is no scientific method to produce enough oxygen that can flow through all those ventilator tubes of C-19 patients lying helplessly. We chopped the mighty trees that give oxygen for free and now race to hunt for oxygen. 

yet there is no scientific method to keep the mighty ocean, a gigantic salted hydro carpet wrapped around the planet, playing all all the while in her own frisky way, while giving shelter to millions of lives under her wing.  Sky scraper tall waves, tsunamis tried teaching humanity vented out at all the harassment to her sea bed and for constantly being fed with plastic and toxic waste.

yet there is no scientific method to make the clouds spit out all the excess water in volumes that are only needed for the times. The rains that now come tumbling down race in electrifying force washing away all of habitat and humanity's possessions. I am never a fan of rain, but since of late every time it pours down I look at the sky and then the falling water and ask why are you so angry ? the answer lies in the pace, force and style those water droplets crash.

yet there is no scientific method to make the earth spring water to the rivers that run dry during a drought. There is enough heat to burn acres of wildlife all because a frustrated planet is overworked, tired and exhausted. trying to keep up with unending greed.

yet there is no scientific method to bring in a gentle breeze and a cooling ventilator to the planet. The wind is no more gentle its rebellious and riot blowing out all of humanity's possessions. 

Only if all of these could speak the words would be " there were countless chances we gave you but now you will get a taste of your own poison"

along the way how come we never saw the signs ?

OR

were we too caught up to run an endless race ?

another women's day coming up

here I am ..back on blogger, wanting very much to voice out some of my thoughts that have been crossing my mind, having seen all the hype and  decorative preparation for International Women's Day coming up this weekend.

Frankly all the pretty dangly ribbons, lace and bow frilled celebrations are truly a joke.

As in all other international days to commemorate mothers, fathers, grandparents, children, water, food, toilets, refugees, pets, Aids, Wildlife, Valentines, wetlands, rain forests and all other reasons which people want to make it a useless celebration, the day for women has also turned out to be meaningless with so called Gender Activists screaming their lungs out about equality and discrimination.

I personally have been a part of all this fanfare during my time with the non profits,what I have not done in the name of International Women's Day ? Sticker campaigns, Cut Ribbons, Pinned flowers, Fake cheek to cheek acknowledgements, Coffee, Patty and Cake filled functions, speeches that were as long as a saree fall, heck I cant imagine I sat through all that bull crap !!!

Lets toss the usual trash aside and quit going with the flow,
Lets give some deep thought and pose the question to ourselves

"What do women really need"?

What we really need is a change and space to prove ourselves, recognition for doing something to our own financial independence, the mental power to recognize and push ourselves to a higher pedestal, the space to do what we want, to try and achieve something new in academics, sports, entrepreneurship without disruptions, objections or ridicule.

Just for one day, do we women want to be gushed over, choked with pink, flowers, purple ribbons, red lace knickers, smothered with poetic appreciative gestures, showered with chocolates, perfume, and special treats  ? (now get this very clear, I am not into chocolates but nothing against perfume or knickers).

OR

Would we rather pick up all the times our souls were broken, shattered over some insulting remark, discriminating statement and or ridicule we had to face since the last women's day and take a stand in doing something better for ourselves ?

Would we rather not be better off in becoming more financially literate, savvier in handling the challenges that life specially enjoys throwing at us?

Why should we not opt for a more intellectual gift that would help us become mentally resilient and make us stand in line equally with men ?

I think it is us women who create this loser situation for ourselves, we let ourselves be identified as weak, we let ourselves be pampered with brain dead gifts, gifts which serve no purpose to build ourselves and then when the next 08th of March comes up, we rally around speaking about our real needs and how much recognition we deserve (for doing what I ask you if we have been wailing all along?).

What happened to the rest of the 364 days of chances where we could have made us of to do something for ourselves ?

Why do we always end up devaluing ourselves and accept all the garbage that is thrown freely at us with open arms ?

Does this mean that our real value is equal to the standard of pink flowers, pans, blenders, red knickers, ribbons, cakes, chocolates and wine ?

When will we begin to think and act smart ...take a stand in projecting our true value ?

Until we DO something to fix this stupidity
the 08th of March every year will be filled with more garbage, blanketing the real needs which we should address and qualify to get.

Let this be a wake up call to all of you wonderful women out there !!

May the infinite characteristics in the number 08 (08 March) inspire you towards a resilient journey of  POWER AND COURAGE!

If Matthew's "ask and you shall receive" does not bring in the change,
Change the content to "advocate until you get what you deserve"
and if that does not bring in the desired change
keep that inner fight going steady until CHANGE comes in!

a slight buzz is on going in my corporate work place, "what can we do this year for international women's day ? Interestingly I learnt that that this year its going to be a mini gift pack comprising of a pink water bottle, pink comb, white plastic drawstring bag, pink make up sponge (WHY dear Lord has everything got to be in Pink?)

the last year it was a large box of chocolates which I turned down, because my value can never be equal to cheap chocolates.

Refusal to accept garbage that are gift wrapped in the form of appreciation is a sign of sustaining my true value.

This will apply to this year's gift pack as well !!!

Ignorance is more fearful than Terrorism

I am getting back on this platform after a very long time. I felt I had to let it all out. Since last morning, I have been very restless being at the receiving end of horrendous racist commenting. For some reason hate speech really triggers the inner demon in me to rise and spit out venom at all the hate mongers after which my spirits are dampened to the core.  

I just got back after a road trip to the North of Sri Lanka with my cousin who is on vacation. I took time off from work coupled with some intervening local holidays. We had a fabulous time being tourists, clicking pictures like crazy, selfies galore, savouring the local cuisine, and finding reasons to giggle our heads off.

Getting back to work after a vacation is as good as hell I tell you and as I sat down to begin my usual day of work, several of my mates came over and greeted me which was nice and felt kind of back- in the- pack. Then comes the beginning of the viciousness….A young woman walks over to my desk and says “Hi so how was your trip – did you have a good time?” to which I acknowledged I did and then as usual continues in the typical statement given by vacationers returning to work “ahhh I wish I had stayed back” in a light hearted way reminiscing all the great times.  Then she goes on to probe and ask me if I went with family or boyfriend or found any. On hearing my desire to stay back she goes “yeah you could have married an LTTE and stayed on” (for those of who do not know what the LTTE is ..they are a separatist guerrilla force that fought a war against the leadership in my country for over 30 years. As the Northern Tamilians of Sri Lanka represent this force, during the war all Tamilians would always be stereotyped as LTTE by extremists and ridiculed in general. This was the first bullet that triggered me off. The inner demon in me shook himself viciously and rose. Without batting an eyelid I spat out to her saying “You should never say such demeaning things as it is offensive for a Tamil to be referred in such a way. Do you think you guys are great ? if you were you  would not be stealing the property and burning the houses of Tamilians. That’s all that you guys are good at and nothing else”. Quite shaken she stops to ponder and then says “yeah but you are not Tamil ? how can you be a Tamil ..you are catholic?”  My demon became more ferocious and spat out again telling her ”A Tamilian just like any other can follow any faith they want to, Who are you to decide that ?, I excuse you because you sound so ignorant, illiterate and all that you just now said and the manner in which you said talks volumes about your upbringing and values” but please go back to school, get an education and take lessons in History, also now that you have learnt something, never ever utter such foolish comments in this office or in another office or elsewhere.  Having heard that, she quietly slipped away without even an apology. Once more proving herself to be nothing but an ignorant twit.

After that fiasco, the devil in me slipped back but my day was wrecked. I sipped many cups of tea to console myself and the day went by in the usual manner. Then came Episode No. 2 in the afternoon which seemed like a continuation of what took place in the morning. During the day I had distributed some local goodies which I had got from the trip. One of my colleagues told me that there was a worm in one of the packs I had bought. Quite disturbed I walked over to check it out. I asked a woman who seemed to have eaten most of it, if there was a worm in any of the packs and if I could see. She goes it’s really not a worm it’s a kind of a small bug, I guess because its home made such things are likely to happen.  Not stopping at that, she asks me if I had picked the not right stuff on purpose and continues to say that “we should get a dhemala” to get the real stuff”  (Dhemala is the local equivalent to Nigger) I felt the demon in me jolting from his slumber and shaking himself up. Fuming I told her “why do you need a dhemala a dhemalichcha (female term) got the stuff, by the way Don’t use that word as it’s very offensive”. Grinning without any concern to what I said last, she goes “Oh is it so, if you think that word is not good enough you can use a better word”.  The demon in me let out several forked tongues simultaneously and began by saying “Do you think you guys are good? You guys are exceptionally good at plundering the Dhemala’s land, burning their houses and looting their property, there is no word in the language that qualifies to use on such inferior people like you and that’s the reason there is no word to use on you guys, Just watch what happens to your precious country and how it’s gonna be screwed in style in many different ways by many others”. The demon in me hissed and sweared at her continuously until she could not talk any more.

After I walked away, I learnt later the only words that came out of her mouth were “I was only joking and why did she blow up just like that?” to which one of my colleagues had told her “you should never joke around sensitive stuff like that, that is definitely not joking”.

The demon in me has gone back, I settled down with several cups of tea in silence. I took a pledge to end this racist commenting in the workplace even if it means I have to do it on my own, I will do it. 

frugal living and sailing through instability

Job hunting in Sri Lanka is worse than losing your virginity - why do I say this is because even after losing your virginity there are plenty of takers excited at the thought of experience, but in the case of a job hunt for mature people the restrictions narrow down to such a slim extend that what is left is worse than bread crumbs ! :(

I have been hunting for full time work since the last three months. I will be very candid in writing in here that the three months I pulled through without a steady income gave me enough time to attend countless job interviews. The drama that unfolded during those very formal moments were something that I have been reflecting on the why's, what if's and how come's ..hmmph quite tiring I must say...

The truth is there is no place in the job market in Sri Lanka for an old goose like me. I guess in the minds of employers we tend to look like nothing but trouble - and the real trouble is insecurity for mature employees usually being more smarter than the very youthful looking top dons now running most of Colombo's upcoming enterprises. Sadly I have reached that stage in the human phase where rejections are more than acceptance and the reason is just being older :( ..It doesn't bother me the least, actually what stresses me is the stinking attitudes of many Sri Lankan top dons. I recently saw a stunning photo of an ex teenage prostitute now turned a super model in one of our Sunday newspapers. For a split second I thought I was staring at a new model of the Barbie doll but on reading the comment I realized she was alive and going great guns !. Maybe I need to learn the art of sounding dumb or developing curves close enough to match Barbie..Out of the two options, learning to look dumb would be easier and faster than trying to give it a go at the second (I am sure gonna break my other knee - one collapsed after extreme exercise and was fixed)

The Sri Lankan dons want more of looks and less of brains and I do see that there are an increasing number of job adverts asking for photos of the candidate. I don't get it do you need more of brains, boobs or butts to run the enterprise ? I have all of them but it's not shaped in the way the live barbie doll has hers. So what is my problem ? Nothing major !!! except I don't understand how brains can be just shoved aside for curves and shapes eh ? I ain't surprised to now see why many Sri Lankan enterprises choke under the pressure of employees intellectually challenged and are not competent to do a job. That's why we have Anarkali's, Paba's, Geetha's, Malini's Sanath's sitting at the top and talking their curves out ! Well all of them aside in the regular workplace I find there are plenty of the Sri Lankan equivalent of the pretty dumb blonde whose brains tick at the speed of a galapagos tortoise and keeps this old goose wondering as to whether it will ever tick at all. :(

I only wish I was financially stable enough to just lounge at home, spend most of my hours on long road trips, read, and just do anything to stay off from this new trend in the workplace insanity. BUT this goose is as poor as a church mouse and needs a steady pay cheque to come her way. I got no choice but just deal with this baloney in the name of money. and so I put up with different new insanities that generously rolls into my life and end up very worn out and more tensed than I have been. Its because I see no direction nor vision.having to work with these nitwits. It's the same bullsh** everywhere and it really is nerve wrecking.

There is so much hype about the country being on a threshold towards the golden runway of development, opening towards achieving more and being new trendsetter not forgetting the rosy statement that its poised to be the miracle of Asia blah blah blah. I don't understand how can we soar like an eagle when we have a farm full of turkeys and chickens eh ? anyone got the answer ?

old fashioned ethics need to be resurrected !

Kindle, Tabs, Pads and Pods are in, gradually occupying the seat of importance in wealthy local families. It is now the in thing to be seen with either a pad, pod or a tab. Thanks to the Chinese, those who secretly crave to look hip and flow with the crowd, can settle for any of the lower cost smart phones that sometimes can be mistaken for a pad, pod or tab :) I am being catty but I have a Samsung that gives me a good deal on everything I need to stay in touch - frills, ribbons and laces in all, (a used phone by a Japanese who decided to get rid of it after 3 months) and arrived into my life through a trade in deal.

My spring chicken days are gone and I find I am settled with increasingly young colleagues who I deal with at work. Interacting with them, I am deliberately slow to comment to whatever they say because I am pretty curious to understand their pulse and then respond. My answers are often limited to ugh, uuhhm..hmmm and they are happy cause they think they know it all. Well I was in that stage once and that feels like the age of Moses now.!!!

I cannot sometimes connect the dots that reason out to their strange way...the flow of language either does not exist or is stagnant with many that I come across. I wonder if it's because I happen to often move around or bump into youth of the same social strata. Somehow the levels of confidence to express themselves or even speak clearly, concisely or comprehensively does not exist in their system. I wonder if the modern lingo of hi c u later @ 4 has killed the neurons in the brain to be able to construct sentences using a steady flow of sensible words ?

Once seen reading a newspaper I was given odd looks by many with some even snickering what's there to read so much in the paper? I responded with what is not there to read in the paper ? So I gathered that its not cool to be reading off a printed paper, magazine anymore !..I couldn't care less..The only reading that I ever do now, is the different columns in the newspapers.

As a crawling baby my dad read stories to me while I sat like a fat pie, so said my mom. In a way he injected me with an addiction that would stay with me for ever I guess. What began with Red Riding Hood, Goldilocks expanded into Amelia Jane, Famous Five, Secret Seven and Danielle Steele, Jack Higgins, Laurence Sanders, Mary Higgins Clark, Jackie Collins, Sidney Sheldon and finally just plain daily newspapers and a periodical Readers Digest, Time and other magazines.My mom got second hand books for just Rs.2 from an old store. Those stores don't exist anymore and so does the deal for borrowing books for Rs. 2 !!! When she got home with the books she yelled that I should be done with my homework to begin reading the book :)

I never realized it until I began working with younger colleagues increasingly, but trying to reflect on the reasons, maybe that's how I got the hang of the language.When I began school, I also read Sinhala newspapers to build on my vocabulary and language skills. I never went for extra coaching classes to brush up on either of the languages cause without any effort I managed quite well getting good grades :). Extra coaching classes would have been luxury because we couldn't afford it anyway.

Newspapers are the most affordable reading material that is available and being in a country with so much action (puts Hollywood and all the wood thrillers to shame) reading a dose of the insanity that takes place daily around the country provides great entertainment along with some insight into the flow of language maybe new jargon as well.

Kids like me who grew up in the 80's-90's (antique eh?) didn't have tabs, pods or pads but just good old fashioned books which we devoured better than the best pudding :). I am glad I came from an old fashioned herd where knowledge and understanding of the language had taken place unknowingly. I am glad I am not one of the many youngsters today who struggle to express themselves, think they are on a bed of nails when asked to respond to a customer's email, do not know that it is common ethics to respond to a mail, cannot comprehend written messages or even do not know what to do when a customer writes inquiring about this and that. Simply put the levels of competency even to express their own role in the workplace, listening does not exist. Sometimes I feel so worn out just waiting for a response to come in to whatever I have asked for eeeeeeeeee it's a never ending wait and eventually I end up calling and asking if the mail was received ? hellooooo why do I need to do this if we are all on this blessed thing called email that has occupied the most important agenda of our daily lives eh ?

BUT, that said they can type the modern lingo (c u @ 4 cal me g8) at lightening speed and think that is good enough. Technology may have taken over the modes of communication but old fashioned ethics still rule the world of commerce and that will stay putt despite even more advanced pods, pads and tabs replacing the existing brood. 

I see youngsters interacting and observe them quietly, most times their conversations revolve around achieving stardom at work within the shortest possible time. hmmmm interesting I think how can you do this when you don't make an effort to learn the art of finer points, that will always stay putt in the commercial world but get fascinated with an image of a top guy in suit, carrying a laptop..tab and talking over the most expensive phone. Knowing to peck the modern lingo on a pc and talk in the name of chat is never going to get you anywhere in life ? eh there is so much to learn and the strange thing is these keyboard pecking hip hop wired music lovers cannot connect to reality OR is it that in a world where everything just blossoms instantly the take is that we can strike it big in anyway we fashion ? "

My typical working day after dealing with these young nuts puts me through a lot of questions, to which I cannot find the answers to.. I just take extra long walk to toxicate all the residue that builds up after dealing with them.Somehow this old goose ends up being very confused to relate to this trend of development which in no way will help plug this country into being the miracle of Asia as projected by the dons who rule !